I really shouldn't complain. I have had an extremely easy pregnancy. I have had no morning sickness and limited emotional outbursts. Most pregnant women who knew how easy it is for me would kill to have it as easy.
But I really hate my body right now.
I've always had somewhat of a low self-image when it comes to my body. I've thought I was too fat (or worried about becoming fat), or my cellulite was too ugly, or that pimple that appeared is the only thing that people see when they look at me, or various other downers when it came to my appearance.
I had really just started to like my body and where I was right before becoming pregnant. I was at my ideal weight and was able to run a sub-4 hr marathon the day before my LMP.
Now, I look in the mirror before getting into the shower and say, "Where did that enormous cow come from?" I go to wash my hands and think "Who is that whale staring back at me?"
Am I ever going to get back to that point I was before I got pregnant? That point where I actually like my body? That point where I want to get out and run 7-10 miles in the middle of the week and 20 miles on the weekend.
My sister had three kids, and she looks amazing. Liz Nauert has had five (I think) and looks great. But I know many more people who have had kids and never lost the weight than those that have.
And I'm not nearly as big yet as I will be by the end of this journey. I'm only just beginning to look pregnant.
The worst thing about it is that my motivation to run has completely gone down the drain. I only run now because I feel like the baby needs it. And sometimes, I'm downright miserable when I'm running. That never happened before.
This is just depressing.
Darling!!
ReplyDeleteDon't be so depressed!! That precious little boy inside you is soooooooo worth every misery that you're feeling right now. And although I am completely like you as far as the self image thing goes, I continually have to tell myself that the only person's opinion that matters is Jason's and he loves me no matter how much I run, or how much cellulite I have (considering it runs in the family, I have waaay too much) :), or how many stretch marks I have, etc. Contrary to popular belief, our lives are not about how we look. Although I do have to say, that you look amazing all the time and I always wish that I could look like you and Amy. :)
Love ya, girl!!
Oh, and by the way, you'll feel like running again. It may take some time, but you'll love it once the baby is a few months old and you have some energy back. :)