Missing My Route

Yesterday, as I battled traffic, I drove past my old running route. This was my six mile route that I would run three or so times a week. I could add on some additional miles in the neighborhood at the end of the street if I needed to. It was a nice, fairly flat, sidewalked route where I would "race" cars (who were stuck in rush hour traffic, so they weren't really going fast). I used to pick out a car and see if I could beat it to the next light.

All those great memories of being free to run as I pleased caused me to break into tears. I cried as I weaved my way through Dunwoody trying to get to Norcross through the mess of traffic that was also avoiding I-285 due to an accident. People who saw me probably thought I was crying because of some Valentine's Day mishap or something.

I miss those days.

On a lighter note, Alan hit some mini milestones last weekend. Friday was the first day that we gave him a bath, and he didn't cry through the whole thing. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday he slept for 10 or more hours during the night. I may have had to put his pacifier in once during those nights (I can't remember...all the nights run into each other these days), but I didn't have to get up to feed him. I thought maybe this would continue, but Monday he returned to his normal 8 hours.

Alan has now tried green beans, zucchini, peas, carrots, sweet potatoes, spinach, asparagus, and celery. He likes the carrots and sweet potatoes the best, and isn't too fond of the asparagus, although he will eat it. He turns six months on Thursday, and we are going to start cereals. Maybe that will get him sleeping double digits again.

Am I Really Meant to be a Mother?

This weekend as we were driving somewhere, we passed an apartment building. All I could think of was how wonderful it would be to live in an apartment building again...alone.

Back in my single days, I didn't appreciate being single. I didn't like being alone. I almost always had a boyfriend. And I'm one of those people who doesn't have a lot of friends, but rather has a few really good friends. Quality over quantity. But that means that when your good friends are busy, you don't have anyone to hang out with.

Now that I have a baby to deal with, and I'm exhausted all the time and never have time to myself, I just want to go back in time and be alone.

Don't get me wrong. I absolutely love my husband. I couldn't really imagine my life without him and wouldn't want any guy other than him. And I love my little boy. He is a wonderful joy in my life, most of the time.

But sometimes, I just want to run away.

I wonder what it would be like to be in the witness protection program and just disappear one day. Here one day, gone the next. No one knows what happened to you or where you are.

Sitting Up

My little boy is very unstable. He is the wiggliest baby (is that a word?) I've ever seen or held. So needless to say, when I set him down, he will wiggle, kick his legs, or reach for something. If I try to sit him up, he will do one of the above and promptly fall down.

Saturday, I sat him up on the chaise, and he was able to sit unassisted for a few minutes before he would fall to the side. We're making progress.

He's still not to the point where I can sit him down with some toys and go about my business, but we're getting closer.

A little vacation from being a mommy

This week was my first work trip away from Alan. Let me tell you, I needed it. Last weekend Rob was away for four days, leaving me alone with Alan. By Monday, he was difficult to tolerate. He wouldn't eat without screaming. He didn't want to be put down. Part of this was due to him getting vaccinations that morning, but I was about ready to pull my hair out. Working from home on Monday was nearly impossible. At one point, when he wouldn't eat, I had to lock him in his room crying while I took a conference call with my boss. It was only for about 20 minutes, but it was rough.

Needless to say, I needed a break from being a mommy. I don't know how single moms do it, especially single moms without family nearby.

This week, I flew to Dallas on Wednesday morning and back on Friday morning. It was really only a two day trip, but I feel refreshed and ready to tackle the job of mommy once again.

I will say that I'm a little disappointed. I was hoping that Rob would get a taste of his own medicine for leaving me alone for four days. But instead, his mom did all the work. On Wednesday, Rob was at our house "getting stuff done" after work while Alan was at his mom's house. He didn't head over to his mom's house until 8:30 at night. I'm sure by the time he got there, Alan was already tucked away in bed, and Rob didn't have to play dad at all that day. I'm also sure that Rob's mom probably did all of the nighttime care as well, even though Rob stayed over at his mom's house. So even when I'm not there, Rob gets off easy. >:-[

I wish I was a daddy instead of a mommy. Life would be so much easier. You just get to play with the baby, and when he needs something you get to hand him back off to the mommy. It's almost like being an aunt. Or a grandmother (most of the time).

Solids

Alan turned five months this week. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends starting solids sometime between 4 and 6 months. We (we meaning I, really, since Rob could care less) decided it wouldn't hurt to start right away. Our pediatrician okay'd solids at our four month appointment on December 21st. He suggested we do green vegetables first, then orange/yellow, then fruit.

On December 23rd, Alan had his first food other than breast milk (and the occasional formula). We started with green beans. He didn't really know what do to with it at first. He pushed it out with his tongue and was trying to suck on the spoon instead of eating the food off of it. But after a few bites, he started to get the hang of it. He seemed to like them.

The second day wasn't as successful. We caught him at a bad time. He was fussy and hungry, and just wanted to nurse. He would have nothing to do with the green beans.

The third day, he did great! He was still trying to figure out the spoon, but he opened his mouth for more. He had his little excited look - the one he gets when he is kicking his toys around - plastered on his face as he anticipated each bite.

Since then, we have tried zucchini, peas, Brussels sprouts, and broccoli. He loved the zucchini and Brussels sprouts. He liked the peas, but his digestive system didn't like them as much. He was a little gassy and constipated after them. He spit up the broccoli, so we are going to wait awhile to try them again.

Yesterday was his first orange vegetable - carrots. I wasn't home, but Rob's mom said that he loved them. Usually when he takes his first bite of a new vegetable, he gives us a look of disgust. I think it is more because he is surprised that it isn't the same taste/texture as the vegetable he had the day before. After the first bite, he seems to like them. Well, with the carrots, he didn't even have that first look of disgust. It may be because they looked different anyway, so it wasn't a surprise to him that it was different.

I have made the zucchini, peas, Brussels sprouts, and broccoli at home, and it is a lot of fun. I'm looking forward to feeding him more foods soon.

Four Months

Alan turned four months last Friday. Yesterday we took him to the pediatrician (our last Kaiser appointment - Yay!) for his four month appointment.


Alan and Mommy at the doctor's office, waiting for the nurse to call his name

He weighs 12lbs 14oz and is 26.5" long, which puts him in the 90th percentile for height and 10th percentile for weight. He is a tall, skinny boy and getting skinnier each month!

We got the official go-ahead to start solids. They prefer we start with the rice cereal mixed with tap water. They also said to start with green vegetables, move on to orange vegetables, and then do fruits last. We bought some green beans at Kroger, so Friday morning when we're both home, we'll probably start him off with that. I'll be sure to video record the exciting milestone.

Alan also got to visit Santa for the second time this season.


Alan with Santa at Bass Pro Shop

He did a great job sitting on Santa's lap for the picture. Santa said he was too easy. I told him to wait for next year, when I'm sure he won't be too keen on sitting on a strange man's lap.

We got a lot of smiles yesterday before the appointment.


After the appointment, though, he was rather fussy due to his shots. This morning he had his first fever (101.6 degrees). His little legs are rather sore, and he was burning up. Poor little guy.

Exhausted

I am completely exhausted. It seems that no matter how much sleep I get, I am still tired. We actually went to bed at a decent time both days this weekend and didn't wake up too early, yet I'm still half falling asleep at the stoplights this morning on the way to work.

Rob mentioned that maybe it is because I'm not as active as I used to be. That might be part of it, but last week I got up and worked out three days - which is three days more than I had been doing since Thanksgiving. It didn't seem to help.

Perhaps nursing has something to do with it. I still am getting up in the middle of the night to pump, even though Alan is sleeping through the night. That along with the fact that my body is producing the milk might make me tired.

Perhaps it is postpartum depression? I really think this Reglan that I'm taking to increase my milk supply is making my PPD worse. I had a mild case of it before the Reglan, but I wonder if it has gotten worse - causing my boredom and exhaustion.

Perhaps my vacation will help and I'll be able to get some sleep and come back to work in the new year rested and ready to go. I hope so.