I have mixed feelings about going back.
We've had some problems this past week with him eating. He doesn't want to eat the whole bottle and will wiggle, cry, and push the bottle away in the middle of his feeding. We tried burping him and warming up the bottle again, and he is just not taking it. It's frustrating when he had been doing so well before. It used to take any where from 15 to 30 minutes to feed him. Now if we're lucky he'll eat the whole thing in an hour. Most of the time, he refuses to eat the last little bit, so we're left with an ounce or so. Now that I'm back to work, someone else has to deal with feeding him most of the day.
On the other hand, it is so hard to leave him. I've been with him for the past eight weeks, pretty much 24/7, and now we'll be apart for at least 9 hours each weekday. I miss his precious little face and how he smiles and giggles at me when I change him. I worry that people who are taking care of him might not do the best job.
But it will be good to get into a routine. I haven't really had that while I was out. I will be able to run and workout before I pick him up from daycare. I'll be able to go through my day and only have to deal with pumping, instead of worrying about how I will find time to pump because he took up so much of my time.
This morning was rough. I had to make sure I had everything to be away from him all day. I had a checklist a page long of things I had to load up into the car and take with me, some to leave with Sherry and some to take to work with me. I ended up leaving 45 minutes later than I had hoped to leave. So tomorrow I'll have to get up 45 minutes earlier - getting only 4 hrs of sleep instead of 5. I guess at that point, one hour probably doesn't make much difference.
Daddy taking Alan for his first day at school
Alan in his classroom on his first day
Mommy with Alan's teacher, Tamara
Alan's cubbie. He has three classmates
I've been having some personal issues lately. Postpartum depression? I don't know. So many things are happening at the same time. I have to go back to work and leave Alan. He isn't eating well. He isn't sleeping as long as I'd like at night. I can't fit into hardly any of my clothes, so it's a struggle to find something to wear to work. Because of that I feel like a fat slob.
Rob knew I was having a hard time the first day back, so he brought me flowers at work
I basically just have unrealistically high expectations of both him and me. I wanted things to be close to normal when I went back to work. I guess I'd have to stay out another year or so for that to actually happen. And what is "normal" anymore anyway?
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