Body image has always been a difficult thing for me. It wasn't until shortly before I got pregnant that I was actually happy about my body, the way I looked and the weight I was at. Now, everything has changed. My hips are too wide to allow me to zip my prepregnancy jeans. My stomach is pooched out and my ab muscles are shot. I have stretch marks and a scar from my belly ring on my stomach, so wearing a bikini again seems impossible. Rob says that it doesn't matter what I look like, he will still love me. But that really doesn't help. Actually, it has the opposite affect. By telling me that, it just solidifies in my mind that I do look like crap. Otherwise, he wouldn't have to say that, right?
No one ever tells you about all the changes that occur right after having a baby. No one tells you that you are going to have to wear fish-net granny panties with a pad the size of Texas and an ice pack the size of a large pad for at least a week. No one tells you that you are going to be passing blood clots the size of large strawberries every time you use the bathroom. No one tells you that you will be bleeding way more than any "heavy period" I've ever had for weeks. No one tells you it's going to feel like you are pushing another baby out of you every time you have a bowel movement. No one tells you about how sore you will be down there. Why is that? Do they not realize that when you get pregnant it's pretty much too late to back out and that you should be prepared for all of this postpartum stuff? Do they think it's common sense and that everyone just knows it already? I would have liked to be warned.
Yes, people told me that I wouldn't be able to run like I used to for at least six weeks, but they never told me why.
It's been four weeks now. I stopped the heavy bleeding around week two, so I've been walking the neighborhood for two weeks now, which is about two miles. I've done my pelvic rocks and Kegals. I've also done some ab exercises. I ran my first mile since the birth on Monday, and didn't have any adverse affects. I will be running my first race tomorrow, the Kaiser Permanente Corporate Challenge 5k - about the same distance I ran the day before Alan was born.
Not only does your body change, but your life changes too. Breastfeeding has been a huge challenge - one that I have about given up. I am out of work now, but the days fly by faster than I could ever imagine. By the time I do one thing, it's time to feed Alan again. Trying to fit pumping in isn't easy either, because I have to time it just right so he's still sleeping, but before he wakes up and is hungry again. I have no idea how I will get anything done when I go back to work, and am really not looking forward to it.
UPDATE to include Alan's first month stats:
At Alan's one month appointment, he weighted 9lbs 6oz and was 22" long. He was tracking pretty much in the 50th percentile for weight, height, and head circumference. He's smiling now and more alert during his awake time.
Here are some pictures of Alan at one month old:
Here are some links to videos of Alan interacting at one month:
Alan Smiling
Alan Playing
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