Postpartum Recovery

I haven't posted in awhile, so if you're still following, you may be wondering how I'm doing postpartum. I can definitely see why so many people get postpartum depression. There is so much that changes, in your body and in your life. I'm not depressed, thank God, but I definitely didn't expect the changes that have occur ed in the past four weeks.

Body image has always been a difficult thing for me. It wasn't until shortly before I got pregnant that I was actually happy about my body, the way I looked and the weight I was at. Now, everything has changed. My hips are too wide to allow me to zip my prepregnancy jeans. My stomach is pooched out and my ab muscles are shot. I have stretch marks and a scar from my belly ring on my stomach, so wearing a bikini again seems impossible. Rob says that it doesn't matter what I look like, he will still love me. But that really doesn't help. Actually, it has the opposite affect. By telling me that, it just solidifies in my mind that I do look like crap. Otherwise, he wouldn't have to say that, right?

No one ever tells you about all the changes that occur right after having a baby. No one tells you that you are going to have to wear fish-net granny panties with a pad the size of Texas and an ice pack the size of a large pad for at least a week. No one tells you that you are going to be passing blood clots the size of large strawberries every time you use the bathroom. No one tells you that you will be bleeding way more than any "heavy period" I've ever had for weeks. No one tells you it's going to feel like you are pushing another baby out of you every time you have a bowel movement. No one tells you about how sore you will be down there. Why is that? Do they not realize that when you get pregnant it's pretty much too late to back out and that you should be prepared for all of this postpartum stuff? Do they think it's common sense and that everyone just knows it already? I would have liked to be warned.

Yes, people told me that I wouldn't be able to run like I used to for at least six weeks, but they never told me why.

It's been four weeks now. I stopped the heavy bleeding around week two, so I've been walking the neighborhood for two weeks now, which is about two miles. I've done my pelvic rocks and Kegals. I've also done some ab exercises. I ran my first mile since the birth on Monday, and didn't have any adverse affects. I will be running my first race tomorrow, the Kaiser Permanente Corporate Challenge 5k - about the same distance I ran the day before Alan was born.

Not only does your body change, but your life changes too. Breastfeeding has been a huge challenge - one that I have about given up. I am out of work now, but the days fly by faster than I could ever imagine. By the time I do one thing, it's time to feed Alan again. Trying to fit pumping in isn't easy either, because I have to time it just right so he's still sleeping, but before he wakes up and is hungry again. I have no idea how I will get anything done when I go back to work, and am really not looking forward to it.

UPDATE to include Alan's first month stats:
At Alan's one month appointment, he weighted 9lbs 6oz and was 22" long. He was tracking pretty much in the 50th percentile for weight, height, and head circumference. He's smiling now and more alert during his awake time.

Here are some pictures of Alan at one month old:



Here are some links to videos of Alan interacting at one month:
Alan Smiling
Alan Playing

Alan Matthew Simon has arrived

Here's the whole story:

I had been having Braxton-Hicks contractions for at least a month. They were pretty regular when I went to the doctor at 35w5d when I had that clumpy spotting and they told me to rest because they wanted me to get to 37 weeks. At that point I was 1cm dilated, 50% effaced, and at -1 station. The contractions were sometimes not even noticable.

As I probably blogged about before, on Saturday, August 7th, I had regular Braxton-Hicks contractions throughout the night at 10 minutes apart. These contractions were a little stronger than the others, in that I could tell exactly when my stomach was tightening up (although I couldn't really tell when they went away). I thought for sure we would have the baby the next day, but the contractions went away when I got up on Sunday.

Nearly a week passes by and Thursday, August 12th, I started having Braxton-Hicks contractions that were associated with pressure in my lower abdomen. They were very different than my normal contractions and lasted most of the day. I even texted Robby around 3 and said that I thought we might have a baby in the next 24 hrs. The contractions weren't regular though. There would be 25 minutes between, then 16 minutes between, then 30 mintues between. When I went to bed that night, they went away completely.

So I had two false alarms where I thought it was going to happen, and then it didn't.

On Monday when I was working, I felt like I had peed my pants. So I went to the bathroom. When I wiped, there was bright red blood. I believe I blogged about this as well. Went to the doctor and they said it was my bloody show. I was 1.5cm dilated, 80% effaced, and at 0 station. When they hooked me up to the monitors, I really had no contractions.

I woke up at 3:08am on Tuesday, August 17th with a mild contraction. I didn't think much of it because of the false alarms I had before. So I went back to sleep. I slept on and off, as usual, until 7am. I got up, showered, and went downstairs to work. By then it was about 8:00am, and I started timing the contractions using the iPhone app. They were about ten minutes apart, but not painful. They were very similar to the contractions I had the previous Thursday - pressure in my lower abdomen, but no pain. I continued to time them throughout the workday. Over lunch, I went downstairs to walk on the treadmill. The contractions slowed down to fifteen minutes apart, and I thought they were going to go away like the other two times. But after lunch, they picked back up.

By 2:30, the contractions were about 7 minutes apart, and still not painful. I called Rob to see when he was getting home. He said he was on his way and got home about 10 minutes later. We ate Chick-fil-A sandwiches and yogurt parfaits, and then went into the study to chill. I continued to time the contractions. We called Debi, our homebirth midwife, and told her that we didn't know if it was a good idea for us to drive over to her place for our 5pm prenatal appointment because of the contractions getting closer and closer. She told us to call her back in an hour or if anything changed. We decided to go upstairs to take a nap, in case this was it and we were going to be laboring all night. The contractions got to be about four minutes apart, but were still not painful. I got up every half hour or so to use the bathroom, and was breathing/relaxing through each contraction.

At 5:10, as I was situating myself back in bed after a bathroom break, I felt a pop. I jumped up and didn't feel anything, but ran to the bathroom anyway, just in case it was my water breaking. Sure enough, when I sat on the toilet, there was a small gush of clear fluid. There wasn't as much as I thought there might be for water breaking, so I wasn't 100% sure that's what happened. But after that the contractions became much less bearable. I really had to breathe through the next contraction.

I called Rob to come into the bathroom and asked if he could move the cabinet that sits over the toilet so I could sit backwards on the toilet and lean up against the tank. He did so, and saw that I wasn't handling the contraction as well as before, so he called Debi. I heard him say something like, "She seems a lot more nervous and having a harder time. I think you should come now."

As he hung up the phone with her, I felt this huge urge to push, as if I was having a huge bowel movement (I know, it's gross, right). I couldn't stop it, and at that point, I finally realized that this was it and we were actually going to have the baby that day.

I called Rob back into the bathroom and asked him to get the canvas painter's drop cloth that I had bought to put over the carpet between the bed and bathroom. He laid it out over the bathroom floor, and I got down on the floor, with my head to the ground and my bottom up in the air. I was trying to keep from pushing the baby out without Debi there.

I had several more pushing contractions while on the floor with Rob holding my hands. Debi finally arrived around 5:50 and when she got up to the bedroom, I was having another contraction. I heard her say, "Is she pushing?!?" She rushed into the bathroom after grabbing a glove and checked me. "The head is right there. We're having a baby," she said.

She said that we need to change positions to allow gravity to work with us, which was fine with me now that she was there. Rob got the pillow chair and sat down against it, and I sat down against him. I started pushing while holding my legs up. It hurt REALLY bad, but about ten minutes later, at 6:09 pm, Alan Matthew Simon was born. His cord was short, but we were able to bring him up to my chest. He was so perfect and started crying/fussing, so we knew his respiration was good.

Debi got the bed ready and helped us move from the bathroom to the bed. She wiped him off with a towel while I was holding him so he wasn't too messy. We tried to get him to latch on, but he was having none of it. About that time, the first apprentice arrived. The second apprentice arrived shortly afterwards.

About 30 minutes later, I felt more pressure and was able to push the placenta out. Debi checked it, and it looked to be fully intact.

Now the fun begins. I started to feel faint and the room started looking black. They checked my blood pressure and it was very low. They had me drink some juice. I felt very far away and was telling myself to get myself together. Rob took the baby, cord still attached, and the bowl with the placenta away from me so I wouldn't drop him. Debi gave me some sort of homeopathic remedy that helped to bring me back. My blood pressure came back up.

That was the first episode. I had two more like it in the next three hours. Mom said that at one point my lips were blue. When it looked like I was finally stable, Al grilled my medium rare filet - my choice for my first meal after the birth. Rob fed it to me as I held baby Alan. After the meal, Debi and the apprentices did the baby check. He weighed 7lbs 14oz and was 21.75" long. Everything looked good. He had a good heartbeat, good respiration, no broken bones, and good reactions. The only thing they saw was that one of his vertebrae appeared to be out of alignment and he was tongue–tied.

Alan during the newborn exam

Debi sat down to read me the postpartum instructions. As she was reading, I had another blacking episode. I never actually passed out during any of this, but I could tell I was close. I asked one of the apprentices to check my blood pressure again. Debi asked if I was having another episode. I nodded. She told me that at that point, I should go to the hospital. She didn't know why they were happening. I hadn't lost a lot of blood. My uterus seemed like it was contracting down just fine. The placenta came out intact, so she didn't think there was any left behind. She thought maybe there was something going on internally that she couldn't see. I called Kaiser and told them I had the baby and didn't have time to get to the hospital, the baby was fine, but that I was having dizzy spells. They recommended that we call 911 and have an ambulance take us to the hospital. We decided to drive ourselves.

The apprentices helped me down the stairs to the study. I sat down on the bed to rest for a moment. Then we proceeded to the car. Rob drove and baby Alan and mom came with us. We got to the hospital and they admitted me. I got an IV (horrible experience accompanied by an anxiety attack and lots of crying - I'm a huge needlephobe). My blood pressure was actually high when they took it, probably due to the IV and blood draw they did.

The blood draw came back and my white blood counts were very high, but the rest was normal. I hadn't lost too much blood during the birth. I told the OB about the needle fear and suggested that that might be part of the reason for the high blood pressure. I also had a slight fever.

The OB eventually checked me after we asked about tearing. I had a third degree tear that he stitched up.

I had one more dizzy spell episode when I went to the bathroom at the hospital for the first time. They gave me another bag of fluids through the IV and continued to monitor my blood pressure, pulse, and temperature throughout the night. I felt much stronger the next morning.

The Kaiser pediatrician came in the morning to discuss her concerns with the baby, since I was GBS+ and didn't get the antibiotics during delivery. We decided to admit the baby for testing to be on the safe side. I was transferred to a postpartum room to work with a lactation consultant, since Alan wouldn't suck.

Thursday morning we were told that everything was okay with Alan and that both of us are good to go home.

Although I did end up at the hospital with an IV and needles, if I had to do it over again, I wouldn't change a thing. Even if we had planned on going to the hospital, there would have been no time to get there in Atlanta rush hour traffic at 5pm when I finally realized that the baby was coming. I would have been pushing the baby out in the car on the way. It was a blessing from God that we had planned to have the homebirth so that we had everything we needed there and a competent professional to assist.

Debi with Alan during the first postpartum exam on Friday

The new family with Debi


More pictures of newborn Alan:

Bloody Show

Again, I must stress that if you are not interested in knowing the gross things about pregnancy, you should not read this blog.

Today, as I was sitting on my exercise ball in front of my computer answering emails for work, I felt like I had peed my pants...just a little. I went to the bathroom, and when I wiped, it was nothing but bright red blood. There was blood in the toilet also.

Now, I've been having spotting all throughout my pregnancy, but it has never been bright red. It has usually been brown or pinkish. So this was something completely different. I called the homebirth midwife to let her know what was going on. She suggested that I call the Kaiser doctor and see if I could get in. She was concerned about my placenta possibly separating from the wall of my uterus.

I called the Kasier advice line and told them what was going on. They told me to come on in. The doctor checked me (1.5 cm dilated, 80% effaced, and at 0 station) and said that the blood was just my bloody show. She also said that it would probably get more bloody as my contractions got more intense. She did an ultrasound to check the fluid level, which was fine. The baby's heart was in the 150s.

She decided to put me on the monitor to check my contractions. I was on the monitor for probably 30 minutes, and the baby wasn't moving. His heart rate was pretty steady between 120 and 130, but he wasn't moving. They zapped me with the little noise maker/vibrator thing to try to wake him up. It didn't work. They gave me orange juice. It didn't work. The doctor came in and zapped me twice, and he finally woke up and started moving. His heartbeat got up to the 150s again as he was moving.

I was having very mild contractions throughout, but nothing to write home about. In fact, they were even less intense than the ones on the monitor at 35w5d.

So now, we're back at home. I'm feeling a lot of pressure down there when I stand up or walk, and blood pours out of me every once in awhile. But no regular contractions. And the wait continues...

I thought for sure this was it

Yesterday, I started having contractions that also had cramping with them. They felt sort of like a menstrual cramp in my lower abdomen. They started around noon and lasted all day. They weren't regular though. There would be 20 minutes between two of them, and then 6 minutes between the next two, then 12 minutes between the next two. But the contractions were different from the ones I've been having for the past three weeks now, so I thought for sure it would turn into something.

I went to bed last night and they completely went away.

Today, I've had a few, but they weren't as intense or as often as they were yesterday.

What a disappointment.

Everyone who has had a baby says that "You'll know when it's the real thing." Well, apparently, I won't. How am I supposed to know when I have so many false alarms? First there was the Saturday when the Braxton-Hicks were regular at 10 minutes apart all night long and then went completely away the next day. When I woke up that morning, I told Rob that I thought that we would have the baby shortly after that. Then there was yesterday's crampy Braxton-Hicks that went away at night. I texted Rob at work and said that I thought we would have the baby soon.

How frustrating!

I have walked 7 miles today so far. I'm taking a break and walking a mile each hour, so I'll end up walking a total of 9 miles by the end of the work day. When I'm sitting at my computer, I'm sitting/bouncing on my exercise ball.

I know the baby isn't going to come until he's good and ready, but I am so tired of false alarms. If you're not going to come, don't make me think you are!

Kaiser Appointment

The Kaiser appointment went fairly well. I decided not to get checked after all, so I have no idea what my "progress" is. The fundal height was 38cm, just on track. My blood pressure was a little high the first time they took it at 130something/82. But they took it again at the end of the appointment and it had gone down to 120something/72. My urine was fine, so they weren't concerned about the blood pressure. The baby's heartbeat sounded fine, but she didn't tell me what it was.

So nothing exciting it going on.

I'm working from home more and more these days. This morning I ran 3 miles. As I was sitting on my birthing ball on a conference call, I started having some cramping that was actually associated with a Braxton-Hicks contraction. It didn't hurt bad, and I only had two of them before they went away.

All these little things are driving me crazy. Random cramping, Braxton-Hicks, etc. I wish they would either stop or turn into the real thing.

I think I might make lasagna today to freeze with the rest of the food I've made.

The Great Debate

To get checked or not to get checked, that is the question.

Today I have my 38 week appointment with Kaiser. Last week they said they were going to check my cervix this week. I haven't yet decided whether I want them to do it or not.

On one hand, it would be nice to know if these Braxton-Hicks that I am constantly getting are actually doing anything. It would also be nice to know if all the pineapple, which is supposed to have some chemical that helps to "ripen" the cervix, and the sex, which is supposed to have prostoglandins that ripens the cervix, have had any effect. I am definitely curious!

On the other hand, emotionally, I don't know if I can handle it. The last time I got checked was at 35w5d when they said I was 1cm dilated and 50% effaced, could go into labor at any time, and probably wouldn't make it to 40 weeks. That got me pretty excited. Since it was so early though, I rested up and stopped running, etc so that I wouldn't have the baby prematurely. Once I got into the safe zone and resumed my normal activities, I thought for sure I would have the baby soon after that. Now I'm 38w2d and still no baby. It has been an emotional letdown, to say the least. I really don't want to hear that I'm 5cm dilated or something like that, and then still end up waiting until 40 weeks or after to actually have the baby.

The other reason that I have for not getting checked is that I don't want them to accidentally break my water, since I'm GBS positive. It's not a very likely scenario, but it could happen.

I also don't want them to find that I am 5+cm (which is typically "active labor") and then send me to the hospital to have the baby. They did mention that since I'm GBS+, I shouldn't wait at home as long as I would have wanted to so that they have time to do the antibiotics. They still don't know that I'm having a homebirth, and I'd like to keep it that way.

Dilation and effacement don't really mean anything as far as when you will actually have the baby. At our midwife appointment yesterday, Debi said that she had one mother whose cervix was thick and closed one day and then she had the baby the next day. There have also been people, like Sweta for example, who walked around dilated to 6cm for two weeks before having the baby.

I've been having periodic cramping all morning, but it hasn't been associated with any contractions, I've had no bleeding with it, and it doesn't last more than a few seconds. I'll mention it to the Kaiser midwife at the appointment, but I think it's probably nothing.

Looking back at the reasons for and against getting checked, I'll probably not get checked. There are more downsides to doing so than there are benefits. Especially since the only real "benefit" is purely selfish.

8/9/10

Today is 8/9/10. To an accountant, that is a perfect day to have a baby. Unfortunately, my baby is apparently not an accountant.

I have tried every "natural inducer" I can get my hands on: walking, running, squats, bouncing on an exercise ball, sex, pineapple, Scalini's eggplant parmesan, black licorice, acupuncture pressure points. Nothing has worked.

On Saturday night, I had regular contractions all night long that were ten minutes apart consistently. I thought for sure the baby was coming soon based on that. But here I am, two days later, and still no baby. I'm still having contractions, but they aren't regular. They are just annoying.

Everyone says that you will know when you're having real contractions. Because of this, I have stopped timing them. I'll just wait until they're painful enough or something tells me that they're real. I'm tired of false alarms.