Expecting

I started this blog because, let's be honest, I'm not very good at keeping secrets. Secrets about other people, I can usually keep (except from Rob, to whom I tell everything). But secrets about myself, I'm not as good at.

Last Saturday, I took a pregnancy test. It was positive.

This time last year, Rob and I were actively trying to get pregnant. We gave up after six months of trying and just "didn't prevent" from then on out. After over a year of either trying or not preventing, I asked my OBGYN about it. She ran some tests on me and determined that there was nothing that was keeping me from getting pregnant from my side. Two weeks later, I missed my period.

I was somewhat suspect all last week. Two weeks ago would have been the week before my period. As usual, my breasts started getting tender. I figured it was just PMS as normally happens right before my period. But then I didn't get my period and my breast tenderness didn't stop.

Sweta suspected right away, when I told her that my breasts hurt when we were running. She said "you're pregnant." I wrote it off because my breasts are usually a little tender the week before my period, but she insisted. Alas, she was right.

Now that I know, I can look back on the past two weeks and identify some other signs. I'm not a cryer. I will tell you exactly what I think, but I am not very good at expressing my feelings.

One day last week, Rob and I were getting home from going somewhere. When I walk in the door of the apartment, the first thing I do is turn on the entrance light. Rob hates that light, because I turn it on and never turn it off. When he got in the door, he turned the light off, plunging us into darkness. Normally, this really isn't a big deal. I'm not afraid of dark. I just like lights - lots of lights. Well, I flipped out a little and got mad at him and started crying. Hormones.

Weekend before last, we went over to Rob's parents' house for lunch after church. I honestly don't even remember what we were arguing about, but I got upset and started crying. We had to sit outside or stand out in the cold so I could compose myself before going into their house. Hormones.

Last week I was so sleepy that I took a nap on two different days after I got home from work. I usually take naps on Sundays, but never during the week. Hormones?

So now, it is very hard to keep my excitement down. I don't want to get too excited, in case I have a miscarriage - it's still early. I'm not really sure if I am excited about it or scared or unhappy. I had actually found a little girl that I was wanting to adopt, but now that I'm going to have my own, that won't be happening. We also haven't settled down. Rob doesn't know what he's going to do for work. His car got stolen recently, and he still hasn't decided on a new one. We don't have a residence bigger than a one bedroom apartment. We aren't even sure if we are going to be living in Atlanta or Tampa.

I am a planner, so all of these things frustrate me. Especially now with the baby on the way.